SERIES: Taking Care of YOU! Getting Our Self-Preoccupation Under Control

Did you know that self-preoccupation tends to be more predominant among males? Why is this so? Research suggests that based on centuries of society viewing masculinity (e.g., men are supposed to be arrogant and dominant) and men who believe that tend to be highly narcissistic. The pressure to fulfill that role causes men to feel more stressed.

Studies at the University of Michigan and others have concluded that the level of self-preoccupation is on the rise in America. Does that surprise you?

When we think about ourselves with exclusive self-interest in mind, then we are self-occupied. There are many synonyms that could be associated with self-preoccupation (egotism, selfness, narcissism, self-love, conceitedness, lack of consideration, self-worship, swelled head, etc.). One of those often-used words for self-preoccupation is narcissism.  Whenever we choose to reflect that behavior the consequences can be “detrimental to our physical health as well as create a psychological cost to relationships” (according to Dr. Sara Konrath, a UofM psychologist that has conducted studies on personality traits, like narcissism).

The key to having a more successful and satisfying life is to understand and practice self-control. Did you know that a study conducted in over 50 nations and all of the U.S. states revealed that when people were asked to identify their character strengths that “self-control” was at the bottom of their list?  Most of us, at some time or another, have struggled with self-control, in some situation or another. For some of us the temptation to do something we know we shouldn’t do may seem difficult to resist. However, if that behavior continues throughout our lives it could harm us in terms of causing depression, high levels of stress, increased blood pressure, impact job performance and relationships, result in loss of income, and possibly shorten our time on earth (Heaven forbid!).

So how do we keep our cool?  How do we get the narcissistic side of ourselves under control?  Some of the following suggestions (not necessarily in any order) may be helpful:

1.     Recognize the need for change. We cannot change what we don’t acknowledge.

2.     Have a plan of what must be done in terms of personal goals and what steps are needed to achieve those goals (e.g., how to improve on your actions). If we want to achieve desired results of a particular goal we must know what has to happen before we reach our goals.  Wishful thinking doesn’t’ cut it.

3.     Look at our calendar and determine the date and time we will complete our self-control assignment. If we don’t follow through with the plan in a designated time frame it should really bother us.

4.     Be sure to get plenty of sleep. Studies show that lack of sleep adversely affects the glucose level in our brain and results in decreased energy levels necessary for self-control.

5.     Monitor our stress levels, particularly as it relates to our jobs. Make lifestyle readjustments.

6.     Forget about eating what we want and focus on what our body needs. Instead of too many carbs and sugars we need supplements like vitamins and minerals that occur naturally in fruits and vegetables. Consulting with a professional nutritionist would be wise.

7.     We should avoid reacting too quickly to situational issues. We need to keep our emotions in check. Effective leaders are very good at exhibiting this behavior.

8.     We should practice optimism and avoid being obsessed with minutiae. Focus on the end goal.

9.     If we make a lot of important decisions during the day we need to be aware that low energy levels can negatively affect the quality of our decisions and our self-control is subject to being compromised.

Take care of YOU by striving to get better at self-control and you will find your journey rewarding. You will bring out the best in you that will enhance your identity, performance, experience AND create a more positive perception by others who interface with you.

(NOTE: Obviously there are more suggestions for self-control than there is space for this blog, however, the above comments are to stimulate awareness about how self-preoccupation plays a significant role in our daily lives and how we control that behavior will minimize future difficulties.)